The more i reflect and think back, the more i hate you
This post is about the truth & you and it’s gonna be harsh.. If you can’t take it, don’t read it..
2 & 1/2 yrs.. and all possibilities of a revival ended within a month.
I’ve been talking to a few ppl.. they all gave me the same verdict.. a verdict which i initially could not comprehend and refused to accept.. but the more i thought about it.. the more obvious it became that it was the truth and that i’ve been holding onto something that wasn’t worth the effort..Initially i wasnt angry with you, but i’m starting to feel it. Beyond the disappointment, the faint glow of anger shines.
The lies, the deceit, the false glimmer of light, the shielding of the truth from EVERYONE.. i used to think it’s my fault.. but not so much now..
The thing that i couldn’t stand the most, was the fact that nothing of it was told to me, nor put on your blog. If you wanted it, at least have the guts to tell me, or at least put it on your blog for everyone to see. Trying to act the angel? Don’t keep me in the dark, holding on to a thread of hope that doesn’t exist. If you don’t love me, tell me, so i can stop wasting my time on you. You were moving on, you were seeing someone else. AT LEAST HAVE THE FUCKIN DECENCY TO INFORM ME.
What did u hope to accomplish by not posting any of ur escapades on your blog? What good would not telling me that you were seeing someone else bring? You said it was hard and you "didnt know how to tell it to me". So then i guessed for you it would be much better if i found out for myself 2months later? So for the past 2 months that i’ve been thinking we might still have a chance you were out there galavanting and enjoying yourself with someone else. Am i here to be kept as a spare tyre so that if america doesnt work out, i can be a replacement to fall back on?
Stop your "you weren’t there so you wouldnt know" crap. I’ve heard enough. We had problems for about 2 months, broke up, saying "go back to sg then see how it goes. might still be able to work it out". I guess there was zero chance right from the beginning huh. You went ahead and got attached to another person 1 month later. What more within weeks of meeting him. I’m sure he’s a nice person and all that’s why u got attached to him.
You gave up a 2+ yrs r/s to go with someone else that you might never again see in your life. You knew he was going to UPEN for at least 4 yrs. You knew he stayed in the US all his life and was never gonna migrate here. You knew that you are never gonna migrate to the US. You knew that if you got together you both would only see each other for 1 month more before you flew back. And yet, you went ahead with it. You gave up on even trying to salvage a 2+ yrs r/s for another guy who you would probably nvr see again in your life. You left 2+ yrs for a 1 month thrill ride. Congrats.
I know i’ve said this before, but im gonna say it again. For you to give up on our 2+yrs r/s for one month with another guy. For you to end one long-dist to enter another one which would at least drag on for 4 yrs, with the knowledge of how difficult a long-dist r/s is. Did you even use your god-given brain to think if it’ll work out? What does it say about what we had? I dunno about u but nearly everyone i asked said: to you it meant NOTHING. Zilch. Non-existant. That is the truth. Face up to it.
What’s the point in calling me on my birthday? What were you trying to prove or do? By doing that were you trying to give me more false hope? Obviously during that call, you conveniently did not mention that you were going to tour the US for one week ALONE WITH YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND. NYC, Washington DC, Atlantic City, Philladelphia etc. Great destination for a honeymoon i must admit.
I will always remember what happened for half a year leading up to my 21st bday. You have made my 21st bday an even better one. An extremely memorable one. I thought nothing could get worse. Thinking back now how silly i was to be hoping on my bday that we might work it out, while you were in the states having fun with your new guy. It’s funny how life screws with you.
"bitch", "scheming". Just some of the few words that have left the mouths of others. Why do i even bother trying to protect what you meant to me? I could just join the parade and hate you to make myself feel better. But i know hating you won’t make a difference. I dunno why i’m saying this but you were a good gf, but you need your guy to be beside you always. And when i flew to aust i guess i cldnt be there. So you went off in search of another. Another who could bring you dinner while u were studyin in the states: who could drive ard the states with you: one whom you could experience a white christmas with. I just hope you would not go off in search of a new one everytime your bf is not by your side.
Now that all’s been said and done, it’s been an eventful 2006. One where i’ve learnt and matured. Made new friends. Interacted with many different types of people. I guess GOD puts us through many types of trials. And im ashamed to say that i’ve let my faith dwindle when i’m there.
Bryan: Be glad that she did something mine didn’t do. Do not hold on to the past anymore.
Cindy: Thank you for your unwaivering support.
Liujun: Hope everything is working out fine for you.
Jonathan & Hansel: I know i’ve neglected you guys and taken our friendship for granted. But i hope to correct that.
I love you all. Live life to the fullest. Live life without regrets.
yo man! u sounded so sad n bitter here.. take it easy dude.. we’re still young, we’re still gonna conquer the world!! think of it this way, she set u free!! wooo!!!! take care man
Comment by reykdal — January 17, 2007 @ 8:12 am
So much for hating me when I write about you on my own blog. You are such a hypocrite that you type so many entries bitching about me on your own blog, even including lame Password protected entries.
I admit that I did not clarify our breakup status (the day after you posted the photos), but since the day before I left for NYC on my Thanksgiving trip, I made it extremely clear to you that we were over. I did NOT give you false hope.
I called you on your birthday because we were friends, not to give you false hope. You had the cheek to get angry at me for not mailing you your present? Regarding my trip, I don’t have to report to you what I do. Since when were you so concerned about me? Since the time before you left for Australia perhaps.
It was a really good relationship right up till you left for your studies. Do not take for granted that a 2 year foundation can make up for your lack of effort in a long distance relationship. YOU were the one who admitted to me that you did not put in enough effort and that you did not try to salvage this relationship.
You probably cared more about hanging out with your new girlfriends and playing computer games, so much so that you couldn’t be bothered about me. You weren’t busy with schoolwork, that’s why you couldn’t call or sms me. Conversations would always go like this…(me calling), “what are you doing?”. “playing warcraft, watching movie, slacking or some other activity”. “so you weren’t busy with school huh, why couldn’t you call me?”. Promises made about calling n stuff were NEVER followed through. I bought so many fucking phone cards to call you when I was in Singapore and my international phone bill in the states rose to a few hundred dollars. Yet, things like when your card ran out of money, you took ages to top it up. Even when I emailed you regarding the free calling website, you only used it once or twice. Since I went to the states, the very first time you called me was on my birthday. 1 fucking month after I left for the states.
You know that I was very unhappy, yet I guess you expected me to put up with it SIMPLY because we had a 2 year foundation. You told me that you got carried away with fun in your first semester. I’m sorry, I can’t put up with it ANOTHER semester. After putting up with your fucking nonsense for about 3 months, I thought, “FUCK THIS SHIT”, I’m getting out of this relationship. And mind you, I invested time and energy into these 2+ years too, not just you.
And when someone else comes along, showering me with all the love and affection, you blame me for jumping into a new relationship so fast. I know it sucks on your part that I found someone so fast. However, I didn’t plan on it nor search for him. It just so happened. There’s probably no best time to find a new partner. If I told you on your birthday that he was very nice to me and I think I’m falling for him etc, you would get mad and blame me for ruining your birthday. And when I tell you later, you still blame me for not telling you earlier. There is never a good time to tell you about it.
So what if he lives in the states, it is none of your fucking business to judge my relationship like that. Yes, he was very nice to me in the states and you couldn’t do things like getting me dinner and driving me around. But you know what? He can even do the SMALL things like calling and smsing me daily to find out how I am. These are the things that were the most important to me.
Sure, your friends can call me whatever names they want because they’re your friends and they will always be on your side. But maybe your dear friends should open up their minds a little and see the bigger picture. You may be a good friend to them, but they have never been in a relationship with you before.
Please don’t act so holy, saying things like GOD put you through many trials etc. It’s disgusting. Very holy of you to curse me on your blog like that huh?
Nice to see that you wanna make this breakup look so damn ugly. Reading your entry makes me realise that I definitely made the right choice in breaking up with you.
Comment by Marilyn — January 17, 2007 @ 8:43 am
I knew you would react like this. Whatever marilyn. If you still think you’re an angel, go ahead. I won’t stop you. Don’t comment on my religion or faith. You have no right to do so.
Comment by king david — January 17, 2007 @ 9:11 am
There’s not much right or wrong in why a relationship crumbles..both r at fault… could be just bad timing…but regardless of the outcome..i hope both of u can take this as a learning journey at least..perhaps in time both of u will see this event in a different light.
anyway..jus let it out guys..coz i hope u realise that after this..u’ll nv get another chance too..at least get it all out..and say things that u realli mean.not jus to hurt the other person ya?
take care…
Comment by Bryan — January 17, 2007 @ 5:18 pm
seriously,it’s saddening to know that things end up this way between u and marilyn but i have to say this.dav, you are being very very very childish and from what u have written,actually i am a little disappointed in you.
Leave marilyn alone.seriously,you hurt her again and again when she was in the states.While u were busy with your 7 girlfriends and completely forgotten about the pressence of your gf and all the empty promises that you have made to her.i think you should just leave her alone now.i bet that if other girls were in her shoes,they would probably have done the same thing.the thing is,she got together with that guy only after the 2 of u have broken up.
Maybe you should reflect on why she rather be with someone that she may not end up with in the future then to be with you.sometimes, instead of whining and bitching about marilyn, think about it.what have you done to salvage this relationship when it was broken.there is no point saying all these things about her after the relationship has been broken.you know that you caused this relationship to fail.you know it.
how hard is it to give her an sms or fonecall when she gave u the free resources?
and i admit that she has some fault too by being too nice to you even though she is with someone else.
Yes,maybe marilyn is as fault for falling in love with that almost perfect guy so fast.but who can blame her for finding someone who treasures her more than you do..when love comes.you cannot avoid it.maybe one day you will meet someone who will love u more than she did..and from what i see.both of u loved each other very much when you guys were together.blame it on long distance.but it’s time to grow up.i suggest that the 2 of u keep away from each other and move on.
let this ending be a new beginning for the two of u.stop bitching about her and let it go.however, if you still want to be that childish david and prove everyone around you that you are still a little immature boy who bitches about your ex-girlfriend and pretends to be that angel.then so be it.
what comes around goes around.
grow up david.end this fight.it’s not worth it.
your ex-friend.
Comment by mutual friend — January 17, 2007 @ 5:48 pm
hey david,i think you have said what you have wanted to say.
from what i see.it’s good that you let out whatever you have been feeling inside out and marilyn too has said her own piece.Every story has 2 sides.maybe both of u are BOTH right.Enough tears and accusations have been said.So.it’s time for a new chapter in life!both of u are very nice people but maybe the time isn’t right. Both of u have err in this relationship.Keep the good times that you guys have shared before in your heart and treat this as a good memory.it’s better to gain a friend than to become foes.don’t make this end with hatred.noone is perfect and i am sure both of u will become better in future.
all the best.study hard in australia
Comment by cynthia — January 18, 2007 @ 7:37 am
eh guys, this is it right. like no more fighting la. each side has had their say, and i guess everyone’s right in their own way. so lets leave it as it is. no point fighting battles that will never be won or lost. chill. you know i’ve always been impartial when it comes to these matters.
Comment by tim — January 18, 2007 @ 10:23 am
Well, i guess everyone makes mistakes at some points, just learn from them and make sure they don’t repeat ever again. I guess no one had wanted something like that to happen too. David, don’t let hatred consume you, just move on and i guess you know what to do from now on right? Well, just know that we all still love you!
Comment by mel_is_here — January 18, 2007 @ 11:40 am
I’m typing this on serious sleep deprivation so pardon my jargon.
Firstly, I am no angel. I never claimed to be one. King maybe, but no angel.
Secondly, am i not entitled to my own thoughts? After finding out everything that has happened for the past few months, can i not let out my feelings? I have merely stated my thoughts and feelings in this 1 post and yet some of you are reacting as though i’ve been bitching for the past month or so?
Thirdly, it was never my intention to make another post on this matter. This is going to be the only post. I’ve said what i wanted. I’ve let out my thoughts. I’ve had enough. It stops here.
Lastly, to marilyn, I do not want to lose a friend, what more make an enemy. Probably after all the hate has subsided, you’ll look back on this incident and laugh it off. When that happens, let me know if u still want to be friends. You were a good girlfriend and i enjoyed myself while it lasted. Till then, take care and good luck in your career.
-king david
Comment by king david — January 18, 2007 @ 12:02 pm
Unless we are in the position David and maralyn are in right now, I don’t think it is fair to comment whether any side is being childish or watever.. It is always a tough period for any 2 persons to go through. I am sure David is merely typing how he feels right now and it’s his way of moving on and letting go.
I know there are hurtful things mentioned, but despite these hurtful words, he doesnt hate u. I am sure if both of you distance for awhile to cool off, you 2 will become good friends again in the future. And, when you look back, u will remember the good times you had.
Nobody can be blamed entirely for the end of this relationship. So lets just blame a third party.. the long distance..!! What i am glad of is that both sides have their pillars of support. sOoo, for now, for both mara and David, turn to whoever you can lean on, no matter it is friends or family. They will gladly push you along until both of you get over this.
Lastly, try to move on, cos time don’t wait for you.
Comment by Cindy — January 18, 2007 @ 1:07 pm
Heya.. Interesting the way this has turned out.
Why is david childish to type what he feels out on HIS blog? And wow, you even went to count the number of girls he took pics with? Haha.
Anyways thing is, I’m glad you blogged it out thavid. You refused to tell me anything when I called but now that you’ve blogged it all out it shows you’re feeling much better i guess?
Let’s party our ass off in Hk yea? You’ll have much fun I’m sure n it’ll take your mind off things.
Very OTT: And cindy! I want to party with you again! (Before 1st feb, sobs)
Comment by Eve — January 18, 2007 @ 8:11 pm
i think its really childish and ungentlmenlike to post such personal stuff on the blog. and for wad damn reason may i ask? to let people know what has happened betweent eh both of u? Dont u have frends to count on and share ur troubles with? why the need for a blog.. dont u know that no good comes out from blogging it online? you have definitely hurt marilyn, publicly.. and for wad reason? she dint publicize her anger and hurt from what u have done to her. Now u leave her no choice but to state the real reason behind this break up. you said u wanna state ur peace? pleaseeee.. and eve, its it ur business that mara, can count?
Comment by lynn — January 19, 2007 @ 5:57 am
haha.. lynn, i must say your comment is the most out of point one. It sort of made me laugh after reading it. What is a blog for u tell me? it acts as an online diary of sorts am i wrong to say that? and a diary is to record events in your life isnt it? Since when only happy events are recorded in a diary? am i supposed to leave out the sad moments?
You must be a friend of marilyn’s. This blog was supposed to be personal and only my close friends know about it. The very first post i made clearly defined that i’ll only let my close friends know of my blog; the close friends that i’ll eventually confide in. BUT, apparently, somehow, even people i do not know of are commenting or tagging on my blog !! I specifically told my friends not to tell anyone bout my blog. I guess you must have found out about my blog through her right?
Let me ask u this lynn. How well do u know either me or marilyn? Have u been reading both our blogs? Or have u started reading only recently? How sure are you that marilyn has never blogged bout her anger towards me? Apparently you do not know much, so, in your own words, “pleaseeee” do not comment unless you know either of us quite well.
First ure a critic, now you’re god izzit lynn? u suddenly know what the real reason of our break-up is? u can suddenly say that marilyn has stated the REAL reason behind this break up?
One last thing, maybe you were sleepy when u read the comments, but if u go read carefully now, marilyn wasnt the one who said about the 7 friends. It was the “mutual friend”. And eve did not direct her comment towards marilyn. SO.. basically.. lynn.. is any of this really YOUR business?
Comment by king david — January 19, 2007 @ 8:30 am
ohh sooo exciting to ne!!
all this drama mama. whoohoo its ohhkaaay thavid, i helptch you find nice ang moh girl back in brissy okaay?
confirm damn pretty damn hot damn nice one. heehee
muacks,
with lotsa loving..your future housemate,
delee
Comment by dele — January 19, 2007 @ 8:45 am
haha..alright~!! this is happening man!! finally the cheerleadering team is here to bitch abt u david..haha..was kinda expecting them to come sooner though..phrases like “ungentlmenlike” and “what comes around goes around” are actually quite comical..but oh well..hope this goes on longer…coz suddenly its a battle of the ex-gf frens vs david. N its quite funny..
Comment by Bryan — January 19, 2007 @ 3:16 pm
Heya Lynn, hope you’ll read the comments clearly before making any, course it was clear I didn’t say it was any of my business whether “mara is able to count” and thing is, Marilyn did not mention anything about how many girls her took pictures with. So yep, I don’t see how my comment had anything to do with her and her counting skills.
Secondly, if I rem correctly, not only did Marilyn blog about her thoughts and feelings about the relationship at one point of time, she also kinda involved Adele whom she didn’t know. No one made a big hoo ha out of it and we just tried to let her know through THIS blog that we were sorry she took things the other way and hope she’ll not mention about any of us or our parents. Now that David is pouring out his thoughts, everyone is defending Marilyn and dissing him here? What’s the purpose and reason in doing this? Marilyn said her piece and everyone can judge for themselves. It is not entirely Marilyn or David’s fault. It takes 2 hands to clap so I hope the dissing will stop because there are lots of things to pick on if everyone keeps doing this and please, give them both a break. It’s torturing enough to go through what they are going through they don’t need this.
Lastly, I need to clarify that I’m not trying to pick a fight or anything of that sort. What I’m trying to put across is that all we should do is to cushion the fall for our friends and not put the other party down because there’ll be no end to that.
Comment by Eve — January 19, 2007 @ 3:57 pm
i looove you evey! hehe
well i think the sole purpose of my friendship with david…is to help dispell tension! and me thinks i am absolutely awesome at doing that. oh, and david…i think this is the MOST happening your blog has gotten to..so CONGRATS on that! heehee
and ps: you should be sooo glad with your own bunch of friends who know when to say what.:D
take the high road, sugar!
youdabomb whoohoo
dele
Comment by dele — January 21, 2007 @ 9:04 am
Hey David,
Its never easy to be in a long distance relationship huh. Well, crap happens, we just keep the memories, learn from the pain and move on. Just know that you have a “family” back in Brisbane that’s always there to support you and hear you out. Sometimes break ups happen and we dont understand why. My previous bf of 2 years cheated on me for almost 3 months before I found out. How silly right. Well, whatever doesn’t kill us just makes us stronger. And you’re DA KING DUDE! Loves
Comment by Joy — January 22, 2007 @ 4:35 am
exactly right! marilyn, keep living your life to the fullest and without regrets! we know you’re not the one who’s in misery right now. you win! (:
Comment by rootingforyou — January 26, 2007 @ 3:20 pm
are you kidding me.. you(rootingforyou) how OLD already??????
p/s i’m only 18.. but at least i know not to leave such seriously retarded and juvenile comments.
Comment by debs — January 27, 2007 @ 9:47 am
Dude, I feel for ya. Here’s my take on it; SHE’S AFTER THE GREEN CARD. U’ll meet someone GREAT shortly and BLOW IT IN HER FACE. Move along now, and don’t miss the next boat. best of luck.
Comment by Joanne — March 28, 2007 @ 9:16 am